C.S.Lewis~A few quotes from my favorite writer
I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.
A man can no more diminish God’s glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, ‘darkness’ on the walls of his cell.
Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives.
Don’t use words too big for the subject. Don’t say “infinitely” when you mean “very”; otherwise you’ll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite.
Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across
the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see.
Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil.
The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of 60 minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is.
The safest road to hell is the gradual one – the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.
There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, “Thy will be done,” and those to whom God says, “All right, then, have it your way.”
With the possible exception of the equator, everything begins somewhere.
Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.
God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.
Humans are amphibians – half spirit and half animal. As spirits they belong to the eternal world, but as animals they inhabit time.
No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.
I gave in, and admitted that God was God.
What we call Man’s power over Nature turns out to be a power exercised by some men over other men with Nature as its instrument.
If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning.
Reason is the natural order of truth; but imagination is the organ of meaning.
You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.
You don’t have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
~The Overflowing Heart~
The optimist says, the cup is half full. The pessimist says, the cup is half empty. The child of God says; My cup runneth over.
Anonymous
~~~Today I am grateful for~~~
Little girls who still believe in knights on white horses and princess castles…
Bravery (What now, SPD?!?!)…
Silliness…
Memories…
A man so in love with his family that this is just a ‘some day’ wish, and he’s okay with that…
Dedication…
And moms who sew!
Gratitude is an Attitude!
When it comes down to it, gratitude is all about attitude!
~~~~~
I can moan about being overwhelmed with life, or I can be overwhelmed with joy by life’s blessings.
I can complain about all the extra work that comes with a new school year, or I can happily embrace a new beginning.
I can waste time longing for my youth, or I can gasp at the youthful beauty of my most precious gifts.
I can wish for riches, or I can revel in richness.
I can worry about the future, or I can trust Who holds the future.
Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.
John Milton
Loss Support~Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness
This is a site where you can go to share your story and read others’ stories. There are linked pages where you can join communities of women who have been where you are and can offer support and a listening ear.
HopeXchange Shining Light on Pregnancy Loss
Active online community of women who have suffered loss in many forms. There are separate threads for different issues.
Song by Jessica Andrews and a video that many grieving parents have used in sevices to honor their lost little ones.
Whittier
Blessings and Uh-Oh Jars
Sometimes little people need a visual to help them grasp abstract subjects. When tackling subjects like attitude, gratitude, giving, and forgiving, it can be difficult to translate explanations into concrete language a child can understand. Here are some ideas on taking the abstract into the concrete:
Blessings Jar Ideas
1.) Attitude issues~Cut out some pictures from magazines of things representing your child’s blessings (pets, friends, family, home, food, the park, etc) and keep them in the Blessings Jar. When your little one is having problems appreciating their blessings, let them dig around in the Blessings Jar and find three blessings to share with you. Bonus: Modeling good life habits such as focusing on the positives in life and remembering to share our gratitude for the good things in life with the source of those good things!
2.) Sibling and/or cooperation issues~Next to the Blessings Jar, keep a small bowl with game pieces such as Operation or Perfection or some other game with lots of pieces. Let your children know that every time you see them cooperating with each other (sibling issues) or with you (cooperation issues) they’ll get to put a game piece in the Blessings Jar, and when all the pieces are in the jar you will all play the game together as a family. When you play the game, talk about how difficult it would be to enjoy the game if any of the pieces were missing and how it’s the same way with family…everyone matters and working together makes the ‘game’ more fun for everyone! Note: The novelty wears off quickly if used to control behavior (i.e. as a reward system) instead of as an occassional object lesson or fun family activity.
[Sometimes us parents are the ones in need of an attitude adjustment! Here are some ideas on shifting gears when our little blessings begin to feel more like huge burdens.]
1.) Keep a bowl of little glass jewels like you’d find at a craft store next to the Blessings Jar and every time you ‘catch’ your child doing something kind or thoughtful, let them put a jewel in the Blessings Jar. (Make sure you ‘catch’ them often!) At the end of the day, count the blessings with your little one and sing the ‘Count Your Blessings’ song as part of your bedtime routine.
2.) If you’re feeling overwhelmed with life in general and parenting in particular, use the Blessings Jar to help you refocus on your own blessings. Keep a little notepad next to the Blessings Jar and write down one of your blessings every time you feel like you’re about to lose it. At the end of the day, pull out the blessings and share them with the whole family and write down any they’d like to add, then pray together as a family and thank God for all of your blessings. (Keeping these and pulling them out at the end of the year to make a Blessings Yearbook/Scrapbook would be a fun family tradition, too!)
Uh-Oh Jar Ideas
1.) Teaching children about forgiveness can be a challenge, especially when parents often feel the need to punish them for every mistake or bad choice they make. Giving our children the
grace and forgiveness we’ve been given is the first and most vital step in teaching forgiveness. To reinforce that lesson, put a bowl of blank scraps of paper next to an Uh-Oh Jar. Every time your little one misbehaves, lies, etc, write what they did on one of the scraps and ask them to ball up the paper and put it in the Uh-Oh Jar. At the end of the day, ask them if they know what forgiveness is. After letting them try to answer, remind them that all day long they’ve been putting papers with their mistakes written on them in the Uh-Oh Jar. Then, one by one, pull out the papers, unfold them, erase the writing, and throw them away. Tell them that forgiveness is erasing someone’s mistakes and letting it go just like you erased their mistakes and threw the papers away!
2.) Another use for an Uh-Oh Jar is to fill it with scraps of paper with good choices written on them. (i.e. Play with playdoh. Color a picture. Build a block city. etc) When your little ones are are getting into things, fighting, and just generally making ’uh-oh’ choices, let them pick a good choice from the Uh-Oh Jar to redirect them.
Related posts:
Testing the Boundaries~What\’s A Parent To Do?
Spare the Rod: The Heart of the Matter
Toddlers, Tantrums, and Time-Ins, Oh My!
[Portions reprinted from The Gentle Parent: Discipline Tips, Tools, and Techniques by L.R.Knost available November 2013; Two Thousand Kisses a Day: Gentle Parenting Through the Ages and Stages by L.R.Knost now available on Amazon.]
When a little person feels frustrated, overwhelmed, or just plain old out-of-sorts (read: tantrum time!) it’s tempting for parents to focus on correction rather than connection. But when children are intensely stressed, the prefrontal cortex of the brain (which in early childhood is an under-developed, mushy ‘ball of playdoh’ waiting to be formed) is flooded with cortisol, aka the ‘stress hormone.’ The result is what is known as the fight-freeze-or-flight syndrome in which higher brain functions (learning, reason, self-control) are markedly hampered and lower brain functions (instinct, physical reactions) take over. This is an in-built survival mechanism that gradually comes under conscious control through years of growth in a safe and supportive environment.
Expecting young children to have the maturity and self-control to overcome this God-given survival instinct is unrealistic. Threatening, punishing, or even reasoning with them while their higher brain functions are suppressed is futile and actually just adds more stress to the situation (more stress=fuel on the tantrum-fire!).
What they really need is help…first, help coping with their big emotions…then, help reconnecting with their source of safety and security (you!)…and last, help processing the problem that sent them into a maelstrom of emotion in the first place. Punishing them, yelling at them, sending them to their room, or putting them in time-out disconnects them even further from their source of security and not only delays a resolution of the issue, but misses an opportunity to equip them with the tools they need to handle future problems.
Drawing them close (time-in), offering words to help them express their frustrations (reflective language), and modeling coping skills and self-control for them are all ways of reconnecting with them to help them successfully navigate their present difficulty as well as cope with those they’re confronted with in the future.
One effective tool for use in helping little ones cope with big emotions is a Calm-Me-Jar.
Here are our Calm-Me-Jars~
We experimented with the original mind jar ideas and came up with these. They are made from the little round plastic Coke bottles sold around Christmas time. I like them because, first, they aren’t glass (who really wants to hand an upset toddler a glass anything?) and, second, they are perfect for small hands to shake and manhandle to their heart’s content.
Glitter glue gel didn’t work at all because it stayed all clumped up. Just basic craft glitter glue from the Dollar Tree worked really well, though. Cold water kept the glue clumpy, too, so lukewarm tap water is the best bet. I used colored glitter glue with a tiny drop of food coloring in the colored Calm-Me-Jars, and just silver glitter glue with the clear one. I also added actual glitter to each jar because the glitter in the glue was itsy bitsy. The combination of the two types of glitter really turned out pretty. Add about one ounce of glitter glue in each bottle and then as much glitter as you like and a tiny bit of food coloring if you want to make the colors deeper.
When each of the bottles had the look we wanted, we glued the tops down with hot glue, then added ribbons for decorations. Our original Calm-Me-Jars are approaching a year old, and they haven’t become cloudy or clumpy, etc, so it seems that as long as you keep the lids on, they’ll last indefinitely! Here’s a closer view:
We’ve added ‘The Cat in the Hat Can Help You with That!’ and ‘Thing 1 and Thing 2′ mini Calm-Me-Jars to go in our Dr Seuss Quiet Bag:
The Cat in the Hat Can Help You with That!
(If you’re really into Dr Seuss, here’s some Seussical fun for your little one!)
When my littler ones have meltdowns (or, if I can catch it, before they reach that point), I pull out one of the Calm-Me-Jars and shake it up and just let them hold it while I hold them and talk or sing quietly. When I feel their body relaxing and their breathing slow down, I might say something like, “It’s sad when we can’t have a toy, isn’t it?” or whatever else will reflect what they seem to be unable to express.
If they’ve hit someone or thrown something, I first reflect what my little person is feeling, then, when they’re a bit calmer, I go on to reflect what the other person might be feeling, “It hurts Sissy when you hit her.” Then I offer a suggestion about the next step. “Why don’t we go ask Sissy if she’s okay? If she has a boo-boo, we might need to get a bandage for her.” It’s very intriguing for little ones to feel like they can ‘fix’ something, and often the idea that they have that kind of power makes all the difference in the frequency and intensity of meltdowns, not to mention the positive impact of learning to think and care about the feelings of others.
When an older preschooler/early elementary-aged child is about to have a meltdown, I first try to help them begin to recognize those feelings by verbalizing for them, “I see you’re feeling upset. It’s hard not getting things we want, isn’t it?” (Or “having to do things we don’t want to” etc). Then, depending on how much they seem to need connection vs. simply calming down, I either invite them to use their Cozy Corner (see below) to help them calm down, “Why don’t you head over to your Cozy Corner for a few minutes and grab one of your Calm-Me-Jars so you can settle down a bit?”
Or if they aren’t ready to cooperate, I scoop them into a big hug and head into the Cozy Corner with them (or just my rocking chair) for a cuddle (aka a time-in). While we’re cuddling, or before if they’re feeling too angry to be touched, I let them shake the Calm-Me-Jar as hard and often as they want right at first as a physical outlet for their intense feelings, watching to see when their breathing begins to even out and their body to relax. When they’ve calmed just enough to hear me, I quietly talk them through the calming process, “Look at all that fairy dust bouncing around like crazy! I bet that’s how it feels inside when you’re so upset. Look at how it’s starting to slow down and settle to the bottom. If we breathe really slowly, we can feel ourselves settling like the fairy dust.” Sometimes we sing a quiet song or I offer to read a book or pray with or for them, depending on the circumstances.
When my five-year-old is mad at one of her siblings, she’ll often bring one of her Calm-Me-Jars (Goodnight Moon is a favorite at night!) and work out some of the upset physically by shaking the jar like crazy and telling me how angry she is. When she’s a bit calmer, we’ll have a little cuddle and watch the glitter settle while saying goodnight to the moon, all the furniture, and whatever other silliness we come up with until she’s calm. If there’s a discipline issue, we’ll work through it at that point because I know that’s when she can hear me and really process what I’m saying. (With Starry, Starry Night we sometimes listen to Don McLean’s Vincent or sing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star; with Hello Kitty Princess Ballerina she likes to dance her frustrations away while the glitter dances with her; and with Nemo Under the Sea we speak ‘whale’ like Dorry or make fishy faces at each other.)
The key to all of this is being in tune with your little one enough to understand their personality and work with it instead of against it. My five-year-old is spunky and silly, so having a long, serious talk would drive her nuts and accomplish nothing, whereas when some of my older ones were little they really liked to talk things through (and still do!).
Here are some Cozy Corner ideas for when your little people need a little space to cope with this great big world:
Set aside a small corner of the family room so they can still be close to you and let them help decorate it and choose a favorite blanket, some comfy pillows, and a few special books and stuffed friends to keep there. Here’s a cool tutorial for how to make this tent for under $25!
Let them help name their special place so they’ll know it’s theirs. Some suggestions are Cozy Corner, Comfort Zone, Quiet Cave, or Happy Place.
And, for times when all else fails, sometimes a little fairy magic is all it takes to turn a bad day into a good one or to help a little one fall asleep. When your toddler/preschooler is a bit cranky, sloooww down, give lots of cuddles, listen, listen, listen, and ask if 
they need you to sprinkle some fairy dust on them to turn their frown upside down! For sleeping issues, sprinkle a bit of fairy ‘sleeping’ dust on their bed and stay with your little one, softly humming, stroking their back, or just quiet and reassuring, depending on their needs (they’ll let you know!) until they’re asleep. It’s typically the long, dark, lonely separation from mama causing the problem, instead of a sleep issue, anyway!
You can click on the picture to follow the link to buy these adorable fairy dust jars filled with microfine glitter, or you can go to Michaels and buy some cute little bottles and microfine glitter (You can find it next to the fabric paints and t-shirts instead of with the regular glitter, for some reason. Lol) and make your own little bottles of fairy dust!
Related posts:
Practical, Gentle, Effective Discipline
200 Ways to Bless Your Children with a Happy Childhood
Testing the Boundaries~What’s A Parent To Do?
When Children Hit~10 Tips for Parents
Easy Peasy DIY Parenting Tools
One Slippery Sock & Other Silly Tools for your Parenting Toolbox!
