The countdown to Christmas is about to begin, so here are some of my all-time favorite book-related and crafty ideas for a fun and meaningful Advent!
Book Advent~Every year I put away all of our Christmas and winter-themed books and then pull them out on the 1st of December to make a Picturebook Christmas Tree. We read one each evening for a bedtime book Advent tradition that my little bookworms look forward to year after year.
Another idea (from Detail Gal Blog) is to wrap books and put them under the tree so that as you read them and the space under the tree empties, excitement for Christmas morning builds!
Wrapping just the covers of picturebooks and lining them up on a mantle or bookshelf like a colorful little Christmas tree forest is another awesome Advent idea from Reading Confetti!
Here are some Christmas and winter-themed book suggestions:
This year we are making an ornament a day to give as gifts to family and friends in what I hope will become another fun and creative Advent tradition for our family. If you want to give it a try, too, you can find some cute ornament craft ideas here.
And for more ideas about how to make the holiday season fun-filled and meaningful, as well as keeping the joy and wonder of childhood alive for your little ones year round:
The human brain needs time to process, categorize, prioritize, analyze, and otherwise make sense of all of the trillions of bits of information that it receives each day. Non-structured playtime for children functions much like sleep does for adults, giving their brains the time and space they need to move short-term memory to long-term learning. 25 Reasons NOT to Keep Children Busy
In the world of a child wonders are as simple as sticks and sheets, leaves and books, boxes and giggles, and the promise in a rainy day. The Seven Wonders of the World of Childhood
Children who love to read…READ! Engaging children’s hearts in the wonder of reading instead of just training their minds in its mechanics. Raising Bookworms
From hitting to defiance to tantrums to testing the boundaries and more, here are gentle parenting tools, tips, and techniques…Practical Gentle Discipline
Dr. Laura Markham’s website, AhaParenting.com, is one of my favorite go-to resources to share with parents. With sound advice based on clinical and personal experience and supported by research, Dr. Markham offers excellent guidance for parents looking for help in their gentle parenting journeys.
Now, there’s a new resource from Dr. Markham that I’m delighted to share with you: her new parenting guide, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting! With a personable approach, clear explanations, and anecdotal illustrations, you’ll find Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting an easy-to-read, helpful resource to keep on hand and to share with other parents in need of a little guidance. (Check back here on Monday for a chance to win a copy for free!)
Dr. Markham honored Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting Resources with the opportunity to be a part of her virtual book tour to launch her new book by engaging in an online interview with me. Here is the transcript from our surprisingly candid and insightful interview:
Welcome, Dr. Markham! Will you share your background/experience/education with my readers?
I’m trained as a clinical psychologist. When I got my PhD at Columbia University, my mentor was Dr. Larry Aber, an attachment theorist who ran the Barnard Toddler Center.
I was fascinated by the longitudinal studies that followed children over time and found that securely attached children are easier to raise, do better in school, are better liked by teachers and peers, are more professionally successful, are happier, are healthier, have better romantic relationships and marriages, enjoy parenting more, and are more likely to themselves raise securely attached children.
Unfortunately, only about 60% of children in the US (this varies a bit across cultures) are estimated to be securely attached, leaving the other 40% to struggle emotionally for their entire lives. And yet, this is something we can change – by working with parents! We can accurately project whether a child will be securely attached by interviewing the mom before the child is even born, and we can work with the parents to help them resolve their own attachment issues to raise a securely attached child. Every parent deserves that opportunity. That’s why I specialize in parenting.
So you advocate Attachment Parenting?
I’m an Attachment Theorist, but Attachment Parenting is not quite the same as Attachment Theory.
Attachment Parenting is a set of practices – for instance, wearing your baby, breastfeeding and co-sleeping – that are thought to promote a secure attachment. As an Attachment Theorist, I think it’s important to point out that while these practices may facilitate more responsive parenting—which does indeed contribute to a secure attachment—they are not the actual cause of ‘secure attachment.’
What creates a secure attachment is a parent who is warmly responsive to the needs of her unique child and able to accept the full range of his emotions. That means, for instance, that as a parent it’s important that we’re able to tolerate our child being angry at us, or clingy, or crying. To do that, we have to be able to stay calm and regulate our own feelings, and nurture our child through his emotions. That’s what creates attachment security.
Do you recommend babywearing, breastfeeding, and cosleeping?
I lived those practices with my own children, and they made my life easier and my babies happier. I personally believe they help us to be more responsive as parents, and research is emerging to back that up. So yes, I recommend them. But my point is that if it doesn’t work for you to use one or more of these practices, for whatever reason, it doesn’t mean you can’t be a responsive parent with a securely attached child.
How has your own parenting journey contributed to your work and to your new book?
When my son was born 21 years ago, my midwife told me before I left the hospital that I should begin right away to let my son cry at night so he would sleep better. My instincts, and my training, told me that was wrong. The more suggestions I heard, the more I realized that most parenting advice we take for granted in our culture was inherited from previous generations who did not have access to the longitudinal and brain research that we have now.
For instance, we now know that the advice during the last century to “Leave your baby to cry and he’ll learn to self-soothe” simply isn’t true – babies’ brains develop the wiring to soothe themselves by being soothed by their parents. Babies who are left to cry may stop crying because they’ve learned that no one comes, but their cortisol levels are still measurably high, indicating that they’re still stressed. That stress and fear has to come out somewhere, in the baby’s cranky moods or clingy behavior.
Another example is the pervasive practice of time-outs. Children act out because they’re in the grip of strong emotions, just as adults do. Sending them off alone to calm down gives them the message that having emotions is a bad thing, and that they’re all alone to learn to manage their overwhelming, scary feelings. And punishment actually hinders moral development—it doesn’t help the child behave better.
When my son was born, I saw so many parents around me struggling. Parenting is the hardest work we do, as I learned first hand, and parents don’t get the support we need and deserve. But I also saw parents unknowingly creating problems with their children by following well-intentioned, but misinformed, advice. These were wonderful people who loved their children without reservation and only wanted what was best for their children. They would have been horrified to learn that their own actions were making their kids act out more. So I wanted to support parents and help them get a better start with their children.
What influence did your own childhood experiences have on your parenting philosophy?
My parents both loved me, but they were divorced and had their own challenges. They couldn’t handle their own emotions, much less mine. I remember vividly how fast I had to grow up, how lonely I felt, how I was looking in all the wrong places for someone to love me as a teenager.
Now, I couldn’t have explained to you, even as a 16-year-old, what was wrong. But having that experience, I can say with total certainty that every child who is acting out is sending us an SOS for understanding, connection, and help with their emotions—no matter how incomprehensible their behavior may be to us.
How is it that you came out of those experiences okay?
Parents often ask me that when they hear about my childhood. I spent years in therapy and years meditating. I still have to work at taking care of myself; it doesn’t come naturally because I wasn’t taken care of. And I’m just lucky that I didn’t have additional risk factors – like ADHD, or a vulnerability to addiction – or I might not have made it to adulthood.
But there are two positive takeaways here:
1. No matter what your childhood was like, you can heal it and be the parent your child needs.
2. No parent is perfect, because we’re human. Luckily, children are pretty resilient. What we do right is more important in creating the solid foundation for our kids than those times we mess up.
What has most impacted your parenting philosophy?
My understanding of children includes my training in child development, especially Attachment theory, which I’ve already mentioned. What I see parents struggling with is always emotions – their own, and their child’s. We all need a loving “witness” so we can heal our emotional hurts, which I first learned from Virginia Axline and Carl Rogers, and then saw Aletha Solter put into practice with babies.
Of course, recent neurological findings have helped me flesh out and evolve my approach, so I’m a fan of Dan Siegel and Allan Schore. Finally, my specialty is practical solutions to the issues of everyday family life, so I’ve learned from countless leaders in the field –Adele Faber, Magda Gerber, Patty Wipfler, Larry Cohen, Jane Nelsen, and so many more.
How does the style of parenting you advocate build trust to set the stage for a peaceful, mutually respectful parent/child relationship throughout the childhood and adolescent years?
Every time we listen to our crying baby, tantruming toddler, or whining preschooler and respond to her needs, we build our child’s trust that we’re on her side, looking out for her best interests.
Every time we resist our impulse to lash out with punishment, and instead help our child with the feelings that are driving her behavior, we help her gain the emotional skills to manage her behavior.
Every time we seek first to connect, and only then to guide, we help our child want to follow our guidance.
That slow accretion of respectful interactions is what builds the strong relationship we all want with our children. Our children learn that’s how to live in relationship, so they’re naturally respectful, compassionate and considerate. They treasure their relationship with us, and would no more damage that relationship — by lying to us, or defying us — than they would set fire to the house, and for the same reasons.
I now have a 21-year-old and a 17-year-old. We never had the rocky teen years that scare parents. I think that tough teen stage is completely unnecessary; it’s created by a parenting style that doesn’t meet kids’ needs.
If you had to sum up your parenting philosophy in a single sentence, what would it be?
Choose love.
Or more specifically:
Manage your own emotions so that you can listen, empathize and stay connected with your child as you guide him. When you get upset, breathe through it and don’t take action until you’re centered again so you have access to your deeper wisdom.
Dr. Markham, thank you so much for including ‘Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting Resources’ in your virtual book tour, and good luck with the launch of ‘Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How To Stop Yelling and Start Connecting’!
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Dr. Laura Markham trained as a clinical psychologist, but she’s also a mother, so she understands parents as well as kids. Her new book is Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. You can get Dr. Laura’s free daily or weekly emails online at AhaParenting.com, the home of Aha! Moments for parents of babies through teens.
What do you get when you cross a curious toddler with a Christmas tree covered with glittering, dangling ‘toys’ and enticing, shiny lights? At the very least, a season of toddler chasing and redirecting, and at the worst a season of shattered-glass hazards and tree-scaling, toppling nightmares. So what’s a parent to do? Must we scrap the tree so we can have a merry Christmas while we have little ones in the house? Not at all!
Here is an Advent list with a twist…24 Christmas safety tips for parents with tiny people who love to explore:
1.) A Christmas tree plopped down right in the middle of a child’s playspace (i.e. family room, living room, den) is just too much temptation for any little person, so one solution is to place the tree in a lesser-used room such as a study or office or even a covered porch where the tree can be seen but is less accessible to little explorers.
2.) Another option is to place the Christmas tree in a play yard like the one pictured to keep the tree safe while still having it in a central location in the house for everyone to enjoy.
3.) A tabletop tree is also an option. Keep the tree away from the edges and watch out for dangling tree skirts and light cords so little hands can’t pull the tree down on top of little heads.
4.) For families like ours who have lots of little ones toddling around year after year, a child-proof tree may be the answer. We used fishline to anchor our tree to the ceiling after one tiny climber toppled the tree over on herself a few times. Non-breakable ornaments (homemade ornaments are great alternatives) tied to the tree with ribbons instead of metal hooks (choking hazard!) are the solution to our current little spelunker who loves to crawl under the Christmas tree and lay looking up at the sparkling lights from her little hidey-hole.
5.) Be sure to check that your artificial tree is fire-rated or your real tree is fresh (i.e. easily bendable branches, no dropping needles) and keep your real tree well-watered to reduce fire danger.
6.) Always check lights for broken, loose, or missing bulbs, and make sure wires aren’t frayed and sockets aren’t cracked. Turn lights off when leaving your home or going to bed.
7.) For outdoor lighting/decorating, be sure to use extension cords rated for outdoor use, and don’t overload the outlet by stringing together more lights than the instructions allow. Elevate cords to avoid them sitting in water or on dry leaves. Have lights on a timer or turn lights out when leaving your home or going to bed.
8.) When decorating, place figurines and keepsakes out of reach of little hands to avoid constantly chasing giggling toddlers who find your reaction to their snatch-and-run game a great source of holiday entertainment.
9.) Avoid decorating with real holly or mistletoe in areas accessible to small children, as both are toxic if eaten.
10.) Never decorate your tree with candles, and keep candles separated from pine branches on tabletops and mantles by placing them in deep glass votives. Never leave a small child alone in a room with a burning candle.
11.) Keep snow sprays out of reach as they can be toxic if inhaled and can cause injury if sprayed into eyes.
12.) When entertaining, keep hot plates away from the edges of tables and remind guests not to leave hot or alcoholic beverages within reach of small children.
13.) House guests may not be used to having small children around, so be extra vigilant about medicine bottles, unattended purses, open luggage, and other dangers that may visit along with your guests.
14.) When purchasing gifts, check labels for age recommendations. Keep in mind that even if you think a little one is advanced enough to enjoy a toy that is recommended for an older child, the toy may contain choking hazards or other dangers to a small child.
15.) Unless you like wrapping presents over and over and…well, you get the picture, avoid setting wrapped packages out under the tree if the tree is accessible to small children. Keeping your expectations in line with your child’s developmental stage is a key element to avoiding conflict in your parent/child relationship and making your holidays less stressful and more enjoyable!
16.) In the flurry of gift opening on Christmas morning, small objects from ripped open packages (like the 42 little plastic tabs to hold a $5 rattle in a cardboard box!) can end up scattered amongst the toys and boxes and paper, creating a sea of choking hazards. Keep a big box handy to throw packaging and wrapping paper into, and choose one or two toys to remove from their packaging for immediate play while putting the other opened presents away in another box to be opened later.
17.) Never let children throw wrapping paper into the fireplace, as this can cause a dangerous flash fire.
18.) Keep a close watch on your little one’s diet throughout the holidays. In the busyness of the season, nutrition often takes a backseat to convenience, and an overload of junk foods and sweets can cause tummy aches and crankiness which won’t help them or you to have a jolly holiday.
19.) Another nutritional danger of the season is unintentional weaning. If you’re nursing a little one, the constant changes in schedule, the busyness, the stress, and the baby being passed from one relative to another can result in missed feedings and reduced milk supply. Making a conscious effort to take regular nursing breaks in a quiet room with your little nursling will give both of you a chance to reconnect and de-stress a bit and keep your nursing relationship intact.
20.) Also, be very aware of your little one’s sleep patterns during the holiday season. All of the disturbances mentioned in #19 can wreak havoc on a small child’s sleep schedule and, along with the almost inevitable over-stimulation of the music, lights, and visitors, that can make the holidays a miserable time for a little person.
21.) Fireplaces should be regularly inspected to prevent chimney fires, and protective fire-screens and/or baby gates should be used to keep little ones safe.
22.) Space heaters are a well-known fire hazard. Make sure you are using them according to the manufacturer’s specifications and that they are in good working order. Never leave a small child unattended in a room with a space heater.
23.) Keep in mind that, while you know and love those visiting relatives your little one has never met, expecting a small child to instantly let a person who is a total stranger to them hold and kiss and play with them is unrealistic. If we want our children to exercise restraint and caution with random strangers at the park/mall/etc., we need to allow them to set limits they are comfortable with when it comes to physical contact and interaction with the ‘strangers’ in our homes, as well.
24.) And, last but certainly not least, while pictures of their little ones with Santa may be every parent’s heart’s desire, small children often don’t share that desire. Instead of forcing your child to sit in a strange man’s lap (not exactly a precedent we want to set for our children!), if your child isn’t comfortable with the idea, get creative and try getting pictures of your toddler standing near Santa while he plays peek-a-boo with them or try kneeling on one knee next to Santa, yourself, with your little one on your other knee. You never know, those pictures may end up being your all-time favorites!
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More ideas about how to make the holiday season fun-filled and meaningful, as well as keeping the joy and wonder of childhood alive for your little ones year round:
The human brain needs time to process, categorize, prioritize, analyze, and otherwise make sense of all of the trillions of bits of information that it receives each day. Non-structured playtime for children functions much like sleep does for adults, giving their brains the time and space they need to move short-term memory to long-term learning. 25 Reasons NOT to Keep Children Busy
In the world of a child wonders are as simple as sticks and sheets, leaves and books, boxes and giggles, and the promise in a rainy day. The Seven Wonders of the World of Childhood
Children who love to read…READ! Engaging children’s hearts in the wonder of reading instead of just training their minds in its mechanics. Raising Bookworms
From hitting to defiance to tantrums to testing the boundaries and more, here are gentle parenting tools, tips, and techniques. Practical, Gentle, Effective Discipline
Okay, okay, so maybe my toddlerhood contributes to them a teensy-weensy bit, but seriously…
You with the obsession with brushing teeth and bedtimes and matching clothes, enough already! Does it ever even occur to you that there’s another person (Yes, I am an actual separate person from you. Remember that whole cutting of the umbilical cord thing?) who might have an opinion about what goes in my mouth or when I’m tired or not or what I want to wear?
And you, the one who thinks carrots and kale are food. Really? You have all kinds of opinions about what tastes good and what doesn’t, but I’m not allowed to have any?
And don’t even get me started on the rush-rush, hurry-up craziness that has me being snatched up in the middle of my most fantastic block tower ever and strapped into a torture device (Btw, where’s your carseat?!?) and dragged from one place to another right through snack time. I can’t have an agenda? Don’t my interests mean anything?
Okay, so maybe I don’t know everything yet, but how am I going to learn if you just force these issues instead of communicating with me about things? That whole learning by osmosis thing (a.k.a. passive learning) didn’t work for you in college, and it won’t work with me, either.
You keep going on and on and ooooon about wanting me to listen. “Why won’t you listen?” “If you’d listen for once!” “Would you just listen to me?!?” I’ve got three words for you…
Two. Way. Street.
Maybe instead of that whole failed learning by osmosis experiment you keep trying (You do know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result, right? Okay, okay, just checking!) you could read the research and find out that I learn by active engagement (two-way conversation!) and imitation. Yep, that’s right. I learn from what you do, not just what you say.
So here’s the deal…
Want me to learn to listen? Then listen to me. Listen and respond to my cries when I’m a baby. Listen and reply to my babbling attempts at talking when I’m a toddler. Listen to my whining and respond patiently when I’m a preschooler. (I know it’s annoying, but whining is my last step, kind of like your ‘last nerve’ you complain I’m stomping on, before I have a meltdown. It’s my last-ditch effort to hold on to the tiny bit of self-control I’ve learned so far in my short life!) Listen and actually pay attention (a.k.a eye contact!) to my endless stories about snails when I’m in middle childhood and to my endless complaints and dramas when I’m in my teen years.
Want me to learn respect? Then show me respect. Show me that you respect my personal space by explaining the things you’re doing to me like changing my diaper or strapping me into a carseat. Show me that you respect others by not talking about them behind their backs (Yes, I can and do hear you!) or yelling at them on the road. Show me that you respect my opinions by asking for them and accommodating them when you can. (I know you won’t always be able to, but the times you do will help me to accept the times you can’t.)
Want me to learn compassion? Then show me compassion. Respond kindly and gently when I’m upset or angry or just out-of-sorts. Stay close when my emotions overwhelm me and I have a meltdown moment. (I need your presence and compassion the most when I seem to deserve it or even want it the least!) And model compassion by treating others kindly in front of me.
Want me to learn self-control? (This is a big one!) Then show me self-control. Take a parental time-out when you get tired or overwhelmed or angry so I learn how to handle those big emotions. Count to ten and take some deep breaths instead of yelling or hitting. And pace yourself in this big world. I need to learn that it’s okay to take care of myself and not feel like I have to fill every moment with plans and schedules and agendas. I’ll learn that from watching you choose wisely from the many opportunities and pressures life will offer.
Okay, so to wrap this up. My tantrums don’t just come out of nowhere. They are the result of tiredness, hunger, frustration, anger, etc. You can prevent them, or at least minimize them, by keeping me fed and rested, by paying attention to my preferences, interests, and attempts to communicate, and by communicating kindly and patiently with me about upcoming changes or things I might not like. And keep in mind, I’m always watching and absorbing everything that goes on around me, so make sure you’re living what you want me to learn!
As we head toward Thanksgiving and Christmas this year, I wanted to share some of the wonderful ideas I’ve been gathering about making gratitude and giving a standard of daily living along with a celebrated part of the holidays. Some of these ideas are ones we’ve done in our family for years, and some are new ideas I’m excited to try out!
1.) I believe the best way to raise generous, empathetic human beings is by being a generous, empathetic human being. So the first and most simple idea is just to live what we want our children to learn. If we want our children to be kind, we need to treat them and everyone else kindly. If we want them to be thankful, we should thank them regularly for the things they do and the blessings the are to us and to the world and let them see us being thankful for our own blessings. If we want them to be generous, we need to share what we have freely with them and let them see us giving to others. And if we want them to have the desire to serve, we must meet their needs fully so they will be free from focusing on trying to get their own needs met, and we should let them see us serving others on a regular basis.
2.) I absolutely love the idea of painting ‘Blessing Stones’ and scattering them around town for people to find. They don’t serve any specific purpose, and you’ll probably never know if they’ve been found. They’re simply a little blessing to brighten someone’s day unexpectedly. Your children can stamp or write words or even Bible verses on smooth stones, or they can paint hearts or smiley faces on them. You can even pray over the stones with your children first if you like, then simply take a walk around town and let your little ones ‘hide’ the rocks. What a fun way to share some smiles!
3.) Another idea I fell in love with was ‘Blessing Bags.’ The idea is to fill gallon sized ziploc bags with essentials such as soap, deodorant, toothpaste, a toothbrush, etc. and add in a water bottle and granola bar and whatever else you think someone in need might find helpful, then keep the bags in your car to give out whenever you come across anyone in need. Also, clicking on the ‘Blessing Bag’ pictured will take you to Kids With A Vision, a site filled with year-round ideas for helping children use their natural empathy to help others. Love it!
4.) Operation Christmas Child is a family favorite in our home. Every year we fill shoeboxes with small toys, pads of paper, coloring books, crayons, and more for children across the globe. It’s a wonderful Christmas tradition and a beautiful way of keeping the spirit of giving at the center of our celebrations.
5.) Another fun tradition that helps all of us to focus on giving during the holidays is playing ‘Secret Santa.’ I buy dollar store items for each of my children to open before bedtime on the twelve days leading up to Christmas, and they also get twelve dollars to spend on each other for ‘Secret Santa’ gifts. The joy and excitement they get from making each other happy is so touching and a great sibling bonding experience, too!
6.) Nursing Home Elves~Many years we’ve gone Christmas caroling at local nursing homes and have always been warmly welcomed by the residents and staff alike. We always bring homemade gifts like cookies, ornaments, or Christmas cards which are a labor of love from my children that bring tears to the eyes of the sweet elderly residents who receive them.
7.) We’ve also participated in special service opportunities such as passing out flyers in our local Christmas parade to help raise funds for a baby in need of a liver transplant and serving dinner to the families of terminally ill children at the Give Kids the World Village in a nearby city.
What are some ways your family focuses on giving during the holidays or year round?
A recent article in the UK based news outlet, The Telegraph, shared a startling image of the differences between the brain of a three-year-old child raised in a nurturing environment and the brain of a three-year-old child who suffered from extreme neglect. The image of the neglected child’s brain lacked “some of the most fundamental areas present” in the image of the nurtured child’s brain. Those areas of deficit included areas determining intelligence, the capacity for self-control, and the ability to empathize. The differences between the two images were so shocking that the neglected three-year-old’s brain looked like one of a victim of brain trauma, but, in this case, it was solely deprivation of a nurturing caregiver that caused the deficiencies.
“Professor Allan Schore, of UCLA, who has surveyed the scientific literature and has made significant contributions to it, stresses that the growth of brain cells is a ‘consequence of an infant’s interaction with the main caregiver [usually the mother].’ The growth of the baby’s brain ‘literally requires positive interaction between mother and infant. The development of cerebral circuits depends on it.’”
The article goes on to discuss the fact that eighty percent of the brain cells that will develop in a person’s lifetime are created in the first two years, making any significant recovery of potential after that period difficult to impossible. “If the process of building brain cells and connections between them goes wrong, the deficits are permanent.”
While it may be hard to grasp the idea of permanent brain damage as a result of poor parenting, scientists have known as far back as the Harry Harlow studies on primates in 1957 and the world has seen in the heartbreaking images of the neglect in the 1990 expose of the Romanian orphanage system that a nurturing, care-giving environment is essential to normal intellectual, emotional, and social development.
“This discovery has enormous implications for social policy. It explains two very persistent features of our society…Chronic disadvantage reproduces itself across generations of the same families. There is a cycle of deprivation – lack of educational attainment, persistent unemployment, poverty, addiction, crime – which, once a family is in it, has proved almost impossible to break…Parents who, because their parents neglected them, do not have fully developed brains, neglect their own children in a similar way: their own children’s brains suffer from the same lack of development that blighted their own lives. They, too, are likely to fail at school, to be liable to get addicted to drugs, to be unable to hold down a job, and to have a propensity to violence.
The second persistent feature is the dismal failure of rehabilitation programmes that aim to diminish the rate at which persistent young offenders commit crimes. Many different approaches have been tried, from intensive supervision to taking young offenders on safaris, but none has worked reliably or effectively. Recent research indicates that a large majority – perhaps more than three quarters – of persistent young offenders have brains that have not developed properly. They have, that is, suffered from neglect in the first two years of life, which prevented their brains from growing.”
Decades of research, not to mention simple human experience, have confirmed the importance of an interactive, attentive, and responsive primary caregiver in early childhood. And yet, unlike the more family-centered societies in third world countries, most industrialized societies have embraced a far more detached parenting mode typified by practices such as sleep-training, schedule-based feeding, non-family care-giving, etc.
Additionally, public policies in the most advanced nations on earth tend to be skewed significantly toward housing the results of childhood neglect in prisons and homeless shelters rather than addressing the root issues of that neglect. Tax codes favor two-career families, thus making it more difficult for a parent to choose to remain at home and provide a stable, nurturing environment. Public funds are poured into educating parents about public health concerns like obesity and smoking and vaccinations rather than into early parenting support such as breastfeeding education and crisis resources and information on normal child development and behavior.
The lost potential in the lives of these children and the resultant social issues because of short-sighted public policies is as unconscionable as it is unnecessary. Public attitudes must shift from “somebody should do something” to “let’s address this together,” and we need to go further than just reaching out to troubled children. While that is a vital step, and nurturing from another family member or a mentor can have a significant positive influence on a troubled child, that influence may be limited by brain deficiencies and associated negative behavioral patterns already in place due to neglect.
Let’s also go back to the beginning, though, and address the issues preemptively. Let’s reach out to families in need with our hearts instead of just our tax dollars. Let’s be the change we want to see in the world by mentoring struggling parents in our communities, organizing local outreaches such as parenting fairs, and supporting community centers and churches that provide weekly mommy and me classes or mom’s day out resources. Let’s provide schools with information packets about optimal early childhood care to send home with students with new babies in their families.
Let’s contact our local universities and ask them to consider giving college credit for early education/social work/nursing students, etc. to spend a certain number of hours every week mentoring at-risk new mothers. Let’s contact our government officials and petition them to implement tax breaks and incentives to stay-at-home parents with young children and to employers to encourage them to offer extended maternity leaves.
The research has been done. The reports have been written. The evidence is clear. Parents matter. Parenting choices have a profound impact on children and the people they will become, and the people they become will shape the world we all share.
A generous man who is well-known for giving to others
A gentle man who is often pictured welcoming smiling children
A man who, it is said, “sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good…”
A man we believe in without ever having to see
A man with amazing, awe-inspiring ‘magical’ powers
If you answered ‘Santa Claus,’ you’re right! If you answered ‘Jesus,’ you’re right, too! The parallels are striking, aren’t they? And with good reason…
One is the symbol of the Christmas season. The other is the reason for it. One is the parable. The other is the reality.
“I, like many new parents, struggled with the idea of perpetuating a ‘false belief’ and thus undermining my children’s trust. But then I turned to the Bible and saw how Jesus, who spoke absolute truth always, often spoke that truth in parables. He knew something about people’s hearts that I needed to learn as a young parent. He knew that the human mind is logic, analysis, reason, and that the human heart is imagination, creativity, love. He knew that sometimes you have to bypass people’s minds and speak straight to their hearts, those well-springs of wonder, for true understanding to occur and that often the deepest truths are the ones that are too big for the human mind to receive and can only be grasped by the heart.” [The Great Santa Claus Debate]
Flights of fantasy, wonder, and awe are vehicles through which all of us, not only children, can grasp the inexplicable, understand the unimaginable, embrace the extraordinary.
I want my children to dance with excitement as the Christmas season begins with the ringing sound of carols and the glitter of decorations filling our home. I want them to wonder and imagine as we read Christmas stories and watch Christmas classics together under warm blankets with bowls of buttery popcorn and piping hot mugs of hot cocoa. I want them to gasp in awe at the brilliant abundance of presents under the Christmas tree as we gather on Christmas morning and sing ‘Happy Birthday to Jesus’ before the tumble-bumble, joyful chaos of gift opening begins.
I want these things for them so that as they grow up they’ll take these memories of joy and laughter and wonder and awe with them and always be able feel the beauty of the Gift we were given in the Christ Child instead of just having head knowledge of Him.
“I chose the way of the parable. I embraced Christmas in all its glory, decorated and baked and showered my little ones with gifts, all while sharing the story of the birth of a Baby. Woven through every event, every tradition, every memorable moment of our family’s Christmas, is the celebration of the wondrous gift of a Savior. We watch Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, and all the other fun Christmas shows together. We read bedtime stories about Christmas elves and magical toys and talking animals. And when my children ask me if Santa really exists, I tell them “Yes,” because it’s true. Every parent who carries on St. Nicholas’ tradition of leaving secret gifts, of being the heart and hands of Jesus, of sharing the wonder, excitement, and glory of the most extraordinary Gift ever given to mankind, every one of us is Santa Claus.”
I believe in Santa Claus because I am Santa Claus!
That, to me, is the true reason for the season~sharing the truth of the most unimaginable, unattainable, unfathomable Gift ever given, and the way we choose to do that in our family is to celebrate Jesus with a Santa Claus Christmas.
How does your family celebrate the holidays?
[Click here for more ideas about how to keep a spirit of giving at the center of your family’s Christmas celebrations. Happy Holidays!]
This video of Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton singing ‘I Believe in Santa Claus’ makes me cry every time I see it.
The human brain needs time to process, categorize, prioritize, analyze, and otherwise make sense of all of the trillions of bits of information that it receives each day. Non-structured playtime for children functions much like sleep does for adults, giving their brains the time and space they need to move short-term memory to long-term learning. 25 Reasons NOT to Keep Children Busy
In the world of a child wonders are as simple as sticks and sheets, leaves and books, boxes and giggles, and the promise in a rainy day. The Seven Wonders of the World of Childhood
Children who love to read…READ! Engaging children’s hearts in the wonder of reading instead of just training their minds in its mechanics. Raising Bookworms
From hitting to defiance to tantrums to testing the boundaries and more, here are gentle parenting tools, tips, and techniques… Practical, Gentle, Effective Discipline
Fairy tales in childhood are stepping stones throughout life, leading the way through trouble and trial. The value of fairy tales lies not in a brief literary escape from reality, but in the gift of hope that goodness truly is more powerful than evil and that even the darkest reality can lead to a Happily Ever After. Fairy Tales~The Lost Value of ‘Once upon a time…’
After nine months of googling, polling family and friends, making list after list, and agonizing over making The. Perfect. Choice. the moment arrives…you’ve finally chosen your expected blessing’s name. The perfect name. The name that will be with them forever. The name that will appear on their birth certificate, their highschool diploma, their voter ID card, their college degree, their marriage certificate. Your first parental decision…check! And then your little one arrives, and as you kiss that tiny, fuzzy little head, you find yourself whispering, “Welcome to the world, pumpkin.”
Wait a minute. Pumpkin? That’s not the name you agonized over! Why, after all the effort you put into choosing The. Perfect. Name. would you call your new arrival something entirely different?!?
Actually, it’s a good thing! Here are a few reasons why:
‘The perfect name’ is for the whole wide world to use in interacting with your little one, but a nickname is just for you, a symbol of the intimate, interdependant, loving connection between parent and child. Also, while ‘the perfect name’ may be perfect for certificates and licenses and diplomas, it doesn’t reflect the personality of this unique and adorable new person who has their own special purpose for being here. And, really, resisting giving your little cutie an equally cute nickname would be just as hard as resisting the urge to blow raspberries on their squishy tummy or kiss their soft cheeks a thousand times a day or stare into their curious little owl eyes.
So go ahead, choose ‘the perfect name’ for your tiny blessing so that they can be known to the world, and then, when you start getting to know your little hugabug or dynamo or sunshine, choose another ‘perfect’ name to reflect who they are and what they mean to you 🙂
Here’s a list of some popular, and some not so well-known, nicknames to check out. If you’ve got a nickname for your little one that’s not on the list, share it in the comments!
Bookworm weighs in on must-have books for your children in Little Hearts’ How to Build a Home Library for Bookworms from Tots to Teens series. Check out 25 Must-Have Books for Baby Bookworms and 25 Must-Have Books for Toddler Bookworms, and check back for 25 Must-Have Books for Early Elementary Bookworms, 25 Must-Have Books for Tween Bookworms, 25 Must-Have Books for Teen Bookworms, and 25 Must-Have Books for Young Adult Bookworms in the coming weeks as well as literacy tips, book activities, and book nook ideas!
This story of struggle and survival, illustrated in Eric Carle’s unique, brilliantly colorful style, follows a tiny seed as it beats the odds and fulfils its purpose…growing and blooming into a beautiful flower.
Preview:
It is Autumn. A strong wind is blowing. It blows flower seeds high in the air and carries them far across the land. One of the seeds is tiny, smaller than any of the others. Will it be able to keep up with the others? Where are they all going? One of the seeds flies higher than the others. Up, up it goes…
This is a deceptively simple book with a powerful message for a small child…YOU can tell the monsters to “GO AWAY!” As children read along, they build a monster with the die-cut pages and then send it away again, one scary part at a time. Love this creative way of making children feel powerful and encouraging them to say “No!” when they’re faced with things that scare them!
Preview:
Big Green Monster has two big yellow eyes, a long bluish-green nose, a big red mouth with sharp white teeth, two little squiggly ears, scraggly purple hair, and a big scary green face! But…YOU DON’T SCARE ME! So GO AWAY, scraggly purple hair! GO AWAY, two little squiggly ears…
Wisdom for Little Hearts weaves gentle parenting techniques into engaging, humorous picture books to educate parents while entertaining little ones. In this first book in the series, lovable little Petey and his stuffed friend, Beans, are having a difficult day filled with bad choices and their unfortunate consequences until Petey’s mommy and daddy step in with some gentle guidance.
Preview:
Petey was having a bad day. First, his daddy said not to pull the cat’s tail. But Petey didn’t listen. He wanted his furry friend, Beans, to get a catback ride! The cat scratched Petey’s hand. That made Petey cry. Then his mommy said not to dump his toybox out all over the floor. But Petey didn’t listen. He wanted to play pirate ship with Beans…
Harold is a little boy with a HUGE imagination. With his purple crayon, he creates adventures and wonders that have little ones alternately holding their breaths in suspense and giggling with excitement. This is one book you will enjoy as much as your children do!
Preview:
One evening, after thinking it over for some time, Harold decided to go for a walk in the moonlight. There wasn’t any moon, and Harold needed a moon for a walk in the moonlight. And he needed something to walk on. He made a long straight path so he wouldn’t get lost. And he set off on his walk, taking his purple crayon with him…
In this classic tale by my favorite children’s book author, the incomparable Dr. Seuss himself, a little boy’s imagination runs wild with the limitless possibilities that only a child can truly appreciate as he pictures himself catching all sorts of fantastical creatures for his “New zoo, McGrew zoo!”
Preview:
“It’s a pretty good zoo,” said young Gerald McGrew. “And the fellow who runs it seems proud of it, too. But if I ran the zoo,” said young Gerald McGrew, “I’d make a few changes, that’s just what I’d do…
This is a lighthearted and imaginative story about a bossy little mouse and his good-natured little boy host. Children find it funny simply because of the silly series of requests and how one thing leads to another…to another…to another. Adults find it funny for the same reason because of how much it reflects spending the day with a small child! (As a bonus, this book is a great lesson on sequencing. After reading it in storytime, ask your children what happened when the mouse got the cookie he asked for, then what happened when he got the glass of milk, etc.)
Preview:
If you give a mouse a cookie, he’s going to ask for a glass of milk. When you give him the milk, he’s going to ask you for a straw. When he’s finished, he’ll ask for a napkin…
This is one of my preschooler’s (and toddler’s and early elementary kiddo’s!) absolute favorite books! Finding and counting all of the crazy, out-of-place things on each page…one on the first page, two on the second, three on the third, etc…is as educational as it is entertaining!
Preview:
It all began with that shoe on the wall. A shoe on the wall…? Shouldn’t be there at all! Then I looked up. And I said, “Oh man!” And that’s how Wacky Wednesday began…
I’ve read this book to my little ones so many times (at their request!) that’s it is literally falling apart at the seams. From the humorous illustrations to the heroic little boy who rescues his father from the ‘invisible’ alligator, children from toddlers to preschoolers and beyond will love this book. And the author reading is as funny to adults as it is to children with the silly slap-stick style ad-libs by Mercer Mayer himself!
Preview:
There used to be an alligator under my bed. When it was time to go to sleep, I had to be very careful because I knew he was there. But whenever I looked, he hid…or something…
Little Peter has a problem, and it’s sleeping in the next room! A baby sister has joined the family, and Peter doesn’t like it, not one little bit. And when his old cradle and crib get painted pink, Peter knows it’s time to take action. He takes his favorite chair (to protect it from being painted pink!) and his pet dog and sets off on his own, but on the way learns about growing up and the value of each and every family member. In this adorably illustrated book by the author of the Caldecott Medal winning book, The Snowy Day, children will find a kindred spirit in little Peter and enjoy watching him find his way back home again.
Preview:
Peter stretched as high as he could. There! His tall building was finished. CRASH! Down it came. “Shhhh!” called his mother. “You’ll have to play more quietly. Remember, we have a new baby in the house.” Peter looked into his sister Susie’s room. His mother was fussing around the cradle. “That’s my cradle,” he thought, “and they painted it pink!”…
My little ones giggle like crazy when I read this to them and then very seriously tell them, “I love you, my slimy green swamp monsters.” This is a lighthearted little book with a very reassuring message of unconditional love. One note is that the illustrations can be a bit scary for some children, but most will simply find them hilariously funny!
Preview:
Mama said, “I love you, my wonderful child.” But I had a question. “Mama, what if I were a big, scary ape! Would you still love me then?” “If you were a big, scary ape, I would make you a birthday cake out of bananas, and I would say, ‘I love you my big scary ape.'” “But what if I was a…
This book is BRILLIANT! It’s suggested for grades 2-5, but I love sharing poetry and literary concepts with my children at all ages and this is a really fun and creative introduction to elements such as plot, characterization, sequel, cliffhanger (“Please, author, write a sequel fast!” begs a dog hanging from a cliff in one poem.) as well as imaginative ruminations on how characters might feel when readers neglect them ( “Don’t close the cover and don’t walk away./Don’t leave me squished in here day after day.”) and more! Preschoolers may not ‘get’ everything this fantastic book has to offer, but if shared in small bites they’ll enjoy the rhythm and rhyme and silliness and may just come away with more understanding of literary concepts than you might expect!
Preview:
I’ll tell you a story./I’ll spin you a rhyme./I’ll spill some ideas–/and we’ll travel through time./Put down the controller./Switch off the TV./Abandon the mouse and/Just hang out with me./I promise adventure./Come on, take a look!/On a day like today,/There’s no friend like a book…
This is a giggle-out-loud book with as much humor in the illustrations as the text. With hidden gems like a ‘knight’ light to discover along the way, reading this book is sure to hold everyone’s attention through storytime after storytime!
Preview:
Some kids want a dog. Some want a cat. I want a dragon! A big dragon wouldn’t fit in my house. Three-headed dragons don’t get along with themselves. I’d choose a fire-breathing dragon. I’d teach him how to fly…
There’s a gorilla on the loose, and he’s letting all the other animals in the zoo out of their cages! The silliness that ensues as all the animals follow the oblivious zookeeper home and prepare to sleep in his room for the night make for a good laugh in this fun and delightfully illustrated picture book. Toddlers love this book for the animals, but preschoolers ‘get’ the humor of a whole zoo camping out in the zookeeper’s bedroom and enjoy it on a whole different level!
Preview:
Good night, Gorilla. Good night, Elephant. Good night, Lion. Good night, Giraffe…[or not!]
Rocket is a rambunctious little puppy who likes to romp and play and nap (sounds a lot like most preschoolers I know!). One day he meets a little yellow bird who wants to play school. Together, they play and argue and work their way through learning the alphabet and sounding out words until Rocket finally learns to read!
Preview:
Rocket loved to play. He loved to chase leaves and chew sticks. He loved to listen to the birds sing. Every fall morning after chasing leaves, Rocket would lie down in his favorite spot under his favorite tree. There he’d sniff the neighborhood smells and settle in for a good nap. But one day…a little yellow bird startled Rocket. “Aha! My first student! Wonderful!” she sang. Rocket was confused. “Student? I’m not a…” “But if I am your teacher,” the bird interrupted, “then you must be my student.” Rocket found it hard to argue with this bird…
A mistake isn’t the end of the world…it’s the beginning of something new and exciting! That’s the message in this deceptively simple book with interactive flaps and tears and splotches that help the perfectionist in all of us to lighten up and see possibilities instead of failures. Excellent book for preschoolers and beyond!
Preview: A torn piece of paper is just the beginning…
The precocious Ella, reminiscent of the infamous Pippi Longstocking, announces her absolute reign over her own book and declares that bears are dirty, nasty creatures and are, therefore, banned from her book. Little ones will giggle with delight as Ella misses seeing the kindly, helpful bear following her from one adventure to the next, and adults will enjoy finding the subtle inclusion of classic fairy tale characters along the way!
Preview:
Hi, I’m Ella, and this is my book. You can tell it’s a book because there are words everywhere. Words like Once Upon a Time and Happily Ever After and The End. I’m in charge of this book, so I know everything about it-including the most important thing, which is that there are NO BEARS in it. NOT EVEN ONE…
This is a quiet masterpiece showcasing the art of encouragement with a bit of whimsy. When stubborn and discouraged little Vashti sits staring dejectedly at her blank sheet of paper in art class, her teacher’s gentle and unusual encouragement leads to a rush of creativity that then gets paid forward by Vashti herself. Love this fanciful little book!
Preview:
Art class was over, but Vashti sat glued to her chair. Her paper was empty. Vashti’s teacher leaned over the blank paper. “Ah! A polar bear in a snow storm,” she said. “Very funny!” said Vashti. “I just CAN’T draw!” Her teacher smiled. “Just make a mark and see where it takes you…
Science and geography concepts all wrapped up in a sleepy, rhythmic book about a little boy who transforms his blanket into various modes of transportation to explore the universe on his way to bed. A favorite for parents and children with its imaginative and soothing story that will lull little ones off into dreamland.
Preview:
When it’s time to sleep, it’s nice to know there’s a place that’s safe. In a cozy house, in a comfy bed, under a blanket that’s white and red under stars so bright they light up the night in your own little piece of the universe…This is my country, with highlands and plains, with farmlands and cities and highways and trains. It sits on my continent, far and wide, which kisses an ocean on either side, on half the Earth, which circles the sun, which hides its face when the day is done, while stars glow bright and light up the night…
Take your little ones on a walk through the seasons with Robbie Raccoon and his favorite friend, Old Father Oak, as the sun shines in the summer, leaves fall and animals prepare for hibernation in the autumn, and acorns nestle in the ground throughout the winter awaiting spring to bloom. A sweet, enjoyable, and educational story all wrapped up in an adorably illustrated book.
Preview:
Robbie was born in a cozy den high in Father Oak’s sturdy trunk. In the spring he learned to climb on Father Oak’s strong branches. All summer long he played with his friends Chip and Blackbird in the shade of Father Oak’s green leaves. On the first day of fall Robbie woke early…all Robbie found was a chilly, silvery mist…And then the winter came, the cold, dark, sleepy time, when all the leaves and flowers hide and sleep…
Albert Einstein said, “If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales,” and this version of the fable, Jack and the Beanstalk, is a great place to start. Action, adventure, intrigue, suspense, you name it, this story is as spellbinding as they come and a wonderful introduction to the fairy tale genre!
Preview:
Since this book presents a fairly typical version of the text of the story, this preview is focused on what sets it apart from the others…the incredible illustrations! The illustrator took upwards of 60 hours per drawing, making the whole book a two-year project and with good reason. These aren’t just cartoons, there are detailed diagrams (to scale, no less!) of the castle, cats as big as tigers and a massive golden-egg-laying hen, schematics of Jack’s MacGyver-esque simple machines built with bits and pieces from the giant’s castle to overcome the obstacles he faces, and multiple ‘Where is Waldo’ type search-and-find pages. Amazing!
The mini-Masters series introducing children to the art of the Masters is marketed mainly to the toddler set, but its lively rhyming verses coupled with prints of famous paintings is a marvelous tool for sparking a love of art in preschoolers, as well. This little book is, itself, like a stroll back in time with Rousseau as your guide. Lovely!
Preview:
After a stroll in the starlit night, beneath a moon that’s pearly white, a girl falls asleep on a sandy bed, as magical pictures dance in her head…
The lilting, melodic quality of the verse in this mini-Masters book coupled with the paintings of children and families will make this a favorite, for sure!
Preview:
It’s quiet time to think and rest and watch the world from a cozy nest. Time to sink into a soft blue chair and relax for a while without a care…
In this much-loved book, the gifted Shel Silverstein masterfully captures the bittersweet joy of sacrificial love and the human propensity for missing the wealth of beauty in that love in the pursuit of material riches. This story is as sad as it is inspiring, and makes a wonderful starting point for discussions about what really matters in life.
Preview:
Once there was a tree. And she loved a little boy. And every day the boy would come and he would gather her leaves and make them into crowns and play king of the forest…[And as the boy grew, he took all that the tree had to give, her apples to sell for money, her branches to build a house, her trunk to build a boat] and the tree was happy…but not really…
Numbers, colors, and a lesson on bullying, sticking together, and compassion all in one amazing little book!
Preview:
Blue was a quiet color. He enjoyed looking up at the sky, floating on the waves, and on days he was feeling daring…splashing in rain puddles. Every once in awhile he wished he could be more funny like Yellow. Or bright like Green. More regal like Purple. Or outgoing like Orange. But overall, he liked being Blue. Except when he was with Red. Red was a hot head. He liked to pick on Blue. “Red is a great color,” he’d say. “Red is hot. Blue is not…
This is a great first chapter book for storytime with older preschoolers who have a longer attention span and can remember the storyline from one chapter to the next. Funny and quirky with Roald Dahl’s signature style, this short book is a little lighter and less grizzly than some of his other works (though, be aware, there is a brief scary part).
Preview:
We have tears in our eyes/As we wave our goodbyes,/We so loved being with you, we three./So do please now and then/Come and see us again,/The Giraffe and the Pelly and me./All you do is to look/At a page in this book/Because that’s where we always will be./No book ever ends/When it’s full of your friends/The Giraffe and the Pelly and me…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My little girls don’t have many nightmares, but there is the occasional monster in the closet or under the bed who needs to be evicted. To go along with the book Go Away, Big Green Monster we made our own ‘Monster-Away Spray,’ guaranteed to send all scary monsters packing. Our colors don’t match those in the book perfectly because we just used foam stickers and googlie eyes from our craft box and blue spray bottles from the bargain bin at the fabric store, but my girls are thrilled with them! We filled them with water (and added a little spritz of febreeze in my six-year-old’s bottle because, “Monsters can’t STAND flowers!”) and then Daddy and Big Brother took turns pretending to be monsters and ran away squealing from the girls when they got sprayed. Now, a bit of bedtime spritzing in closets and under beds is all it takes to make my girls feel confident that they’ve rousted the beasties so they can sleep in peace! We also made a felt Go Away, Big Green Monster activity board to do together as we read the book, and, as soon as it was done, my toddler ran and got her ‘Monster-Away Spray’ and sprayed the monster. 🙂 (Click here for more ideas on helping children cope with anxiety.)
Author readings:
L.R.Knost reads Petey’s Listening Ears…
Mercer Mayer reads There’s an Alligator Under my Bed…
Related posts:
Children who love to read…READ! Engaging children’s hearts in the wonder of reading instead of just training their minds in its mechanics. Raising Bookworms
In the world of a child wonders are as simple as sticks and sheets, leaves and books, boxes and giggles, and the promise in a rainy day. The Seven Wonders of the World of Childhood
Fairy tales in childhood are stepping stones throughout life, leading the way through trouble and trial. The value of fairy tales lies not in a brief literary escape from reality, but in the gift of hope that goodness truly is more powerful than evil and that even the darkest reality can lead to a Happily Ever After. Do not take that gift of hope lightly. It has the power to conquer despair in the midst of sorrow, to light the darkness in the valleys of life, to whisper “One more time” in the face of failure. Hope is what gives life to dreams, making the fairy tale the reality. Fairy Tales~The Lost Value of ‘Once upon a time…’
There is such a rush these days to get children sleeping through the night, weaned off the breast, eating solid foods, potty trained, reading independently, and on and on, that we seem to have lost the ability to simply enjoy life as it happens and let our children do the same. A Return to Childhood
Successful reading means far more than possessing the ability to read. Engaging the hearts of students moves reading success beyond a life skill and turns it into a life style. And graphic novels are too powerful of a tool in our arsenal to be disregarded because of pride or prejudice. Raising Super Readers~The MARVELous Power of Comic Books!
Parenting choices strongly impact the level and type of attachment a child develops and, by extension, the development of a love of learning. A love of learning grows when it isn’t stifled by fear or stress or regimented by over-structuring or a focus on achievement or competition. Parents fostering a healthy attachment are thus also fostering a life-long love of learning in their children. Love, Play, Learn!
Many people believe that gentle parenting is a form of unparenting, but nothing could be further from the truth. Gentle parenting is involved parenting ~interactive, engaged, active parenting. It takes focused attention, planning, participation, research, and so much more to be an empathetic, responsive parent who is in tune with their child’s needs and who is prepared to make whatever sacrifices are necessary to meet those needs. That said, in any home, like in any civilized society, boundaries are necessary for everyone’s safety and comfort. It is in the choosing and maintaining of those boundaries that gentle parenting distinguishes itself. In a gently parented home, boundaries are focused on guiding rather than controlling children and are maintained through empathetic and creative resolutions rather than harsh punitive consequences. If you’d like to transition to a more gentle mode of parenting, but don’t know where to start, below are links to alternatives to punishment, and here is a guide to help you set yourself up for success in your journey to gentle parenting…12 Steps to Gentle Parenting.
The concept of using consequences, physical or otherwise, as a deterrent for hitting is based on the misconception that small children have the capacity for forethought (i.e. If I hit, I will get in trouble. Therefore I will not hit.) and that they are choosing to disobey. The fact is that the prefrontal cortex, where reasoning, logic, and forethought take place, is highly immature in toddlers and preschoolers and actually doesn’t develop fully until the mid-twenties! Small children act instinctively and impulsively even when not stressed simply because that is what they are developmentally capable of, but when they are stressed even the small amount of self-control they may have attained flies right out the window, and before they know it (literally!) they’ve reacted physically to their stress. Read more
Typically, I advise parents to use Time-Ins instead of Time-Outs in order to connect-to-correct, but there is one area that I advise the use of Time-Outs…the ‘Time-Out Toy Box!’ When a toy is misused (i.e. thrown, used to hit, drawn on, fought over, etc) and a gentle redirection has been given, the next step for the toy is to be put in the ‘Time-Out Toy Box.’ Little ones generally find the concept of a toy being put in Time-Out rather humorous and go along with the removal without a fuss (the toy can be returned after an exaggeratedly stern warning to the toy letting it know what is expected of it and that it must listen to ‘the boss’ ~the child, lol. They love that!), but remember to communicate, listen, and be flexible. If the removal of a toy brings about a strong negative response, it may be that the inappropriate behavior was more than just…Read more
Few things ignite a parent’s temper like defiance. It feels like a slap in the face, a direct challenge to our authority. Power card…played. Gauntlet…thrown. Challenge…accepted?
Time out! No, not time-out as in punish your child, but time out as in hit the parental pause button, take a step back, assess the situation, and get some adult perspective.
Punishing them, yelling at them, sending them to their room, or putting them in time-out disconnects them even further from their source of security and not only delays a resolution of the issue, but misses an opportunity to equip them with the tools they need to handle future problems.
One effective tool for use in helping little ones cope with big emotions is a Calm-Me-Jar…Read more
There are some children who are born into the world with the incredible life-gift of a strong will and an indomitable spirit. These children are often deeply misunderstood, and there are rows of books lining bookstore shelves with instructions about how to break their will, how to subdue their spirit, how to force their obedience. What an incredible loss of leadership, passion, and insight this world suffers when parents follow these punitive parenting practices. Not only can we parent these gifted children with gentleness and respect, but the gifts we get in return are priceless! Read more
When a child backtalks, sometimes also referred to as mouthing-off or sassing, they are in the throes of a huge, internal maelstrom of emotion. Whatever they are reacting to in the moment, whether it’s being told ‘no’ about something or being asked to do or not do something, it is rarely those issues that are at the root of the problem. The moment at hand is just the tipping point causing a fissure in the child’s heart that lets out a bit of the steam inside. The real concern should be that there is, metaphorically, steam in the child’s heart to begin with.
It is at this point that parents have the opportunity to model self-control and self-regulation by controlling their own knee-jerk reaction to their child’s backtalk. Instead of meeting fire with fire, childish outburst with childish parental outburst, child’s tantrum with adult tantrum, parents can slow down, breathe through their own emotions, and then listen through the fiery storm of their child’s words to the hurt, fear, and anger behind the words. Read more
Want to know a dirty, little secret about punishment?
It doesn’t work.
Punishment may be able to control a child’s behavior temporarily while they’re small or when they are in their parents’ presence, but it cannot control the person. As with all humans, outward behavior is merely a reflection of our inner selves: our needs, our hurts, our emotional states.
While the temporary ‘payoff’ of punishment may be compliance, the need behind the behavior is never addressed and those needs merely get driven underground and often emerge later in more potentially damaging behaviors such as lying, sneaking, anger, outright rebellion, depression, aggression, addictions, etc. Read more
The life of a small child is comprised of a daily onslaught of tempting surfaces begging for the artistry of a crayon, tall places crying out to be scaled, lovely little objects in need of a mouth or nose to visit, and dozens of other alluring glass and liquid and sharp things to be explored through the physics of gravity, the kinetics of concoctions, and the application of Newton’s Laws of Motion. There is only one force powerful enough to defeat this nearly irresistible call of adventure, imagination, and discovery…the No! Read more
Almost from the moment a baby is born, parents teach them not to share. “No, no, sweetie. That’s mommy’s” and “That’s daddy’s, not yours” accompanied by the removal of whatever the forbidden item is are daily realities for little ones. This is unavoidable, of course, since bacteria-ridden keys don’t belong in little mouths and iphones don’t work well when soaked in drool.
But the challenge comes when our little ‘reflectors’ are expected to share their toys with anyone and everyone who takes a liking to them…Read more
Your Baby isn’t Trying to Annoy You; He’s Trying to Communicate! From the moment a child enters the world, they are trying to communicate. Crying, grunting, making eye contact, mirroring expressions, all of these things are the instinctive tools built into infants to reach out into a brand new world and make contact. They can do no more. It is entirely up to the parent to make the connection, to respond, to build those all-important ‘lines of communication’ that will be so vitally important to parents in later childhood. Communication is not something that just happens. It is not something that begins when a child becomes verbal, and it’s not a product of a child’s advancing maturity. Communication is a process, a relational building block, a result of intentional and responsive parenting. Read more
Babes and Boundaries~A Gentle Parenting Perspective Gentle parenting doesn’t mean parenting without boundaries! Believe it or not, the foundation for discipline (guiding, leading, teaching…NOT punishment ) begins in the newborn and infancy stages. When parents respond quickly, consistently, and gently to their baby’s cries, the trust relationship that the parent is establishing becomes the cornerstone for later discipline. Boundaries need to be established for a child’s safety and growth into a successful citizen of our world. A child who is secure in the knowledge that he doesn’t have to fight to be heard or to have his needs met is more open and adaptable to limits. And when the ‘limit-setter’ is a person the child trusts, the enforcement of those boundaries becomes a matter of connection and communication instead of conflict and struggle. So, what might setting and enforcing boundaries using gentle parenting look like in real life? Read more
Parenting in Public~What’s in Your Quiet Bag? More and more public places are becoming child un-friendly with snarky signs saying they’ll give your child an espresso and a pony if you don’t control him or charge you extra if you dare to enter their establishment and support their business with your hard-earned money or even flat out ban you altogether if you bring ‘the beast’ out in public with you! So what’s a parent to do? Read more
You probably never thought of attachment tools, such as breastfeeding and babywearing, as being acts of discipline, but they are. Attachment parenting is like immunizing your child against emotional diseases later on. Your knowledge of your child becomes like a sixth sense enabling you to anticipate and control situations to keep your kids out of trouble. Discipline is based on building the right relationship with a child more than using the right techniques.
Toddlers can be loud, boisterous, erratic, funny, messy, witty and smart all at the same time. They soak up everything they see and hear and that includes our reactions to their actions.
Parents prefer not to have their authority questioned. So rather than considering why a child may be resisting, they up the ante, doing their best puffer-fish impersonation, and make threats.
Don’t mistake independence for defiance. Some toddlers are more strong-willed and independent than others. My first son was very mellow and content under my wing, while my second wanted independence early. He doesn’t want to hold my hand in parking lots (we’ll address that one!) because he says “I can walk by myself!”
Some people, for any number of reasons, do not know about alternatives. They don’t know that there’s another way. Some people want to do things differently, and want to break their cycle, but they honestly do not know where to start.
Most people seem to think that physical punishment is the only way to elicit good behavior and assume that children who aren’t given prompt and regular spankings will be out of control “monsters”. Well, my kids are not perfect little robots. They have to be reminded to do things and they fight with each other. But my focus is not so much on obedience (do what I say right now!) as you might have expected. Instead my focus is on raising kids who are generally polite and content and care about how those around them feel. And that’s what I’ve got, kids who are noticeably considerate to adults and other children alike.
We all know that our kids respond better if we don’t yell. Instead of escalating a difficult situation, if we can stay calm, it settles everyone else down. Our relationship with our child strengthens. They cooperate more. They start to control their own emotions more. Bottom line: How can you expect your child to control his own emotions if you don’t control yours?
If there was one thing you could do differently that would drastically improve your interactions with children would you want to know? Would you like to know the key that would increase cooperation, reduce tantrums, fighting and negative behavior?
This is a FAST way of making your child feel loved, valued and secure. GEMs help your kids feel affirmed and noticed, so their need to get your attention in negative ways decreases. Your energy levels will rise as you enjoy your child and remember what it’s all about. By focusing on your child and meeting their emotional needs for connection you are actually taking care of yourself at the same time. It takes only a few minutes to have a GEM, yet the positive effects last for ages.
Scientific research shows that physical punishment does not work in the long run, is associated with an increased risk for many behavioral and psychological problems, and is simply unnecessary given that we have non-violent discipline techniques that are very effective.
Book Advent~Every year I put away all of our Christmas and winter-themed books and then pull them out on the 1st of December to make a Picturebook Christmas Tree. We read one each evening for a bedtime book Advent tradition that my little bookworms look forward to year after year.
colorful little Christmas tree forest is another awesome Advent idea from Reading Confetti!
Award-winnning author, L.R.Knost, is the founder and director of the children's rights advocacy and family consulting group, Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting Resources, and Editor-in-Chief of Holistic Parenting Magazine. Books by L.R.Knost include Whispers Through Time: Communication Through the Ages and Stages of Childhood ; Two Thousand Kisses a Day: Gentle Parenting Through the Ages and Stages ; The Gentle Parent: Positive, Practical, Effective Discipline ; and Jesus, the Gentle Parent: Gentle Christian Parenting the first four books in the Little Hearts Handbook gentle parenting series, and children’s picture books Petey’s Listening Ears and the soon-to-be-released Grumpykins series. 
Dr. Laura Markham trained as a clinical psychologist, but she’s also a mother, so she understands parents as well as kids. Her new book is 
What do you get when you cross a curious toddler with a Christmas tree covered with glittering, dangling ‘toys’ and enticing, shiny lights? At the very least, a season of toddler chasing and redirecting, and at the worst a season of shattered-glass hazards and tree-scaling, toppling nightmares. So what’s a parent to do? Must we scrap the tree so we can have a merry Christmas while we have little ones in the house? Not at all!
1.) A Christmas tree plopped down right in the middle of a child’s playspace (i.e. family room, living room, den) is just too much temptation for any little person, so one solution is to place the tree in a lesser-used room such as a study or office or even a covered porch where the tree can be seen but is less accessible to little explorers.
alternatives) tied to the tree with ribbons instead of metal hooks (choking hazard!) are the solution to our current little spelunker who loves to crawl under the Christmas tree and lay looking up at the sparkling lights from her little hidey-hole.
15.) Unless you like wrapping presents over and over and…well, you get the picture, avoid setting wrapped packages out under the tree if the tree is accessible to small children. Keeping your expectations in line with your child’s developmental stage is a key element to avoiding conflict in your parent/child relationship and making your holidays less stressful and more enjoyable!
park/mall/etc., we need to allow them to set limits they are comfortable with when it comes to physical contact and interaction with the ‘strangers’ in our homes, as well.
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1.) I believe the best way to raise generous, empathetic human beings is by being a generous, empathetic human being. So the first and most simple idea is just to live what we want our children to learn. If we want our children to be kind, we need to treat them and everyone else kindly. If we want them to be thankful, we should thank them regularly for the things they do and the blessings the are to us and to the world and let them see us being thankful for our own blessings. If we want them to be generous, we need to share what we have freely with them and let them see us giving to others. And if we want them to have the desire to serve, we must meet their needs fully so they will be free from focusing on trying to get their own needs met, and we should let them see us serving others on a regular basis.
2.) I absolutely love the idea of painting ‘Blessing Stones’ and scattering them around town for people to find. They don’t serve any specific purpose, and you’ll probably never know if they’ve been found. They’re simply a little blessing to brighten someone’s day unexpectedly. Your children can stamp or write words or even Bible verses on smooth stones, or they can paint hearts or smiley faces on them. You can even pray over the stones with your children first if you like, then simply take a walk around town and let your little ones ‘hide’ the rocks. What a fun way to share some smiles!
5.) Another fun tradition that helps all of us to focus on giving during the holidays is playing ‘Secret Santa.’ I buy dollar store items for each of my children to open before bedtime on the twelve days leading up to Christmas, and they also get twelve dollars to spend on each other for ‘Secret Santa’ gifts. The joy and excitement they get from making each other happy is so touching and a great sibling bonding experience, too!
7.) We’ve also participated in special service opportunities such as passing out flyers in our local Christmas parade to help raise funds for a baby in need of a liver transplant and serving dinner to the families of terminally ill children at the Give Kids the World Village in a nearby city.
A recent article in the UK based news outlet, The Telegraph, shared a 
Who does this describe?
After nine months of googling, polling family and friends, making list after list, and agonizing over making The. Perfect. Choice. the moment arrives…you’ve finally chosen your expected blessing’s name. The perfect name. The name that will be with them forever. The name that will appear on their birth certificate, their highschool diploma, their voter ID card, their college degree, their marriage certificate. Your first parental decision…check! And then your little one arrives, and as you kiss that tiny, fuzzy little head, you find yourself whispering, “Welcome to the world, pumpkin.”
Bookworm weighs in on must-have books for your children in Little Hearts’ How to Build a Home Library for Bookworms from Tots to Teens series. Check out 
and googlie eyes from our craft box and blue spray bottles from the bargain bin at the fabric store, but my girls are thrilled with them! We filled them with water (and added a little spritz of febreeze in my six-year-old’s bottle because, “Monsters can’t STAND flowers!”) and then Daddy and Big Brother took turns pretending 
to be monsters and ran away squealing from the girls when they got sprayed. Now, a bit of bedtime spritzing in closets and under beds is all it takes to make my girls feel confident that they’ve rousted the beasties so they can sleep in peace! We also made a felt Go Away, Big Green Monster activity board to do together as we read the book, and, as soon as it was done, my toddler ran and got her ‘Monster-Away Spray’ and sprayed the monster. 🙂 (Click 
Many people believe that gentle parenting is a form of unparenting, but nothing could be further from the truth. Gentle parenting is involved parenting ~interactive, engaged, active parenting. It takes focused attention, planning, participation, research, and so much more to be an empathetic, responsive parent who is in tune with their child’s needs and who is prepared to make whatever sacrifices are necessary to meet those needs. That said, in any home, like in any civilized society, boundaries are necessary for everyone’s safety and comfort. It is in the choosing and maintaining of those boundaries that gentle parenting distinguishes itself. In a gently parented home, boundaries are focused on guiding rather than controlling children and are maintained through empathetic and creative resolutions rather than harsh punitive consequences. If you’d like to transition to a more gentle mode of parenting, but don’t know where to start, below are links to alternatives to punishment, and here is a guide to help you set yourself up for success in your journey to gentle parenting…
